Every now and then, a video game comes along that changes the standard of life. A game so awesome, it must have been designed, produced and scored by Chuck Norris. Funnily enough, the game I am about to let you in about was in fact designed, produced and scored by Chuck Norris.

Back in ’92 my godfather gave me a copy of Ninja Gaiden, the most awesome game ever made. It rules all over any of the CGI/3D rendered crap you find on the market today, that suck up any hard drive space you have left and promptly install Trojans and completely wipe out anything on your computer, before shutting itself down and starting three electrical fires, burning down your house/office and causing your pets and/or mother-in-law to have several fear-induced cardio episodes.

Ninja Gaiden is about Ryu Hayabusa, a Dragon Ninja with an attitude. He comes home one day to find his entire village slaughtered, and an ancient scroll stolen. He packs up his shit and starts on the quest to retrieve the Bushido. Along the way he manages to get involved in some filler storylines. I don’t remember exactly how it goes, but I remember killing some fat sumo guy, a few dudes with moustaches and kimonos, some evil birds, a few more dudes in kimonos, and some fat evil sumo birds with moustaches and kimonos, all the while traveling through the Japanese world (which invariably switches from ‘modern city’ to ‘ancient town’ to ‘mountain tops’ to ‘sub-terrainian underground’ to ‘concubine palace’) acquiring skills in the deadly arts.

Like I said, the story line has been blurred along the way, but I do know you end up killing some floating skeleton head and bagging a geisha along the way. This game is so cool I was half expecting Vanilla Ice to rock up during the final boss and start the running man. Go Ninja Go Ninja Go! The soundtrack is fucking awesome, as I have ripped the opening theme, the ending theme and a portion of the 1st level theme.

 Fun Phat Fact of the Day – It took me 14 years to finally beat Ninja Gaiden. 

Download an emulator and get a copy of this game. Do it now. It’s worth leaving your bride at the alter for.